Welcome to Lee's Funnies!

Lee's Funnies

Disclaimer: There's basically no rhyme or reason to the organization (what organization?) of the funnies on this site.
Use the email link below if you want to send a funny this way or want to give any feedback. Enjoy!
Click here to send mail to Lee Bradley

Click The Painting Below To Visit Imagine Designs

Seen enuf? Try Lee's Latest! Click here for credits and links 12 Days Of Christmas 68813 Op Codes You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When Administratium Computer Industry Acronyms Classified Ads Overheard on Airlines Anagrams Actual answering machine messages! The Ant and the Grasshopper Application to date my daughter If architects had to work like programmers Artie You Know You're Having a Bad Day When Virus alert! The epic of the baked bean Over 40 Barbie This ... walks into a bar and ... Bass ball The bellringer - Two sad stories in one Once upon a time a blonde ...   What do blondes ... Bloopers Who's in charge? The new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device The Irish Bricklayer's Insurance Claim   Some Words of Wisdom from British Politicians Sarcastic remarks for the day Real Life Bumper Stickers The Oldest Profession Children's Wisdom Church Bulletins and Newsletters Church Readings   Too Much Coffee ?!?!?!?!? Comparisons Computers and Cars ... Computer Gender   Contraceptive98 You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if ... Dumb Crooks   The 1999 Darwin Award Nominations Dating Rules and Guidelines 12 Days of Christmas Letter   "Dilbert" quotes   Never leave diskettes in the drive ...   DL-232 - A New Standard   Things we can learn from a dog   A Glossary of Data Processing Jobs   ... two shiny, silver walls that could move apart ...   Comprehending Engineers   Perfecting the English Language   English is so simple!   Exam Answer Mishaps   A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client ...   The Mathematical Theory Of Big Game Hunting   Genesis (Release 2.5)   Bridge to Hawaii   Girlfriend   Good Grammer   Dear Secretary of Agriculture   Use Grown Up Words   Rules That Guys Wish That Girls Knew ...   Actual Newspaper Headlines   Historical Humour   Who is Jack Schitt?   Kids' Proverbs   Labor Laws   Law as it should be   What do lawyers use for birth control?   The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends   How many internet mail list subscribers ...   The Legume Liberation League   More male bashing   Revised Retirement Policy   A successful man is one who ...   Two Sailors boarded a quick shuttle flight ...   Teaching Math Through The Years   Blonde Medical Terminology   Mergers   The Mexican   A trio of visually impaired members of an undefined ...   Microsoft Corporation today announced its ... to upgrade God   Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar   Murphy's Laws And Other Observations   Children's Answers in Music Education   A Plea for Help!   New Numbers Of The Beast   The Number of The Beast   In case you thought you were smart ...   Yet another version of everyone's favorite scandal ...   Outline Of Important Events - A Hysterical Review   Overworked!   The paradox of our time in history is that ...   Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy   Ancient Proverbs to live (?) and laugh by ...   Some truly amazingly bad puns ...   Top Reasons for Being ...   19 Rules for Good Riting   Roadkill Cafe
     Is there a Santa Claus?
Seminars for Men and Women
     What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals?
If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation ...   The Sex Life Of An Electron   Signs of the Times   A Guide To Software Revisions   The U.S. standard railroad gauge is 4 feet, 8.5 inches   Catching Misspilled Swords With Spilling Checkers   "Squawks" are problems noted by US Air Force pilots ...   Let's Reinforce a Few National Stereotypes   1998 was a crazy year on Wall Street   Tech Support   The Plan   Thoughts ...   Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here ...   You know you're trailer trash when ...   Recent Computer Virus Infections   Vocabulary Builders   The REAL details about Windows 98   The Latest Report on Windows 98 New Error Codes Assigned   Words to Ponder ...   More Words to Ponder ...   'Twas The Night Before Christmas   Two Digits for a Date   Year 2000 Vacation Pay January 1, 2000   Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere ... Room Service The Top 193 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord An Irishman Moves Into A Tiny Hamlet ... And Promptly Orders Three Beers Thoughts To Ponder Test For Professionals Price of Gas One Letter Explanations By Programmers Maine Computer Technology Answering Machine Messages Dogs and Men Women and Men Half-Baked Headlines Definitions Asshole Andy Rooney Bad Day Bumper Stickers Devil Dogs Doughboy Flight Attendants Great Thinkers Horses If A ... Instructions Kangaroo Mace Things You�d Love to Say at Work, But Can�t! A Prayer for the stressed! Why Did the Chicken Cross The Road? There was a boy who was born with no body ... If a consultant has any skill at all ... If Dr. Seuss had been President Clinton's lawyer All I need to know I learned from Noah's Ark Letter from Santa Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next ... Eye halve a spelling chequer New And Improved Policies Welcome to the second presidential debate between ... Question For The Programmers Points to Ponder Why I love my Mom Handy Engineering Conversions Sir Ernest Rutherford, President of the Royal Academy ... Moral Dilemma New Slogans for Florida
     A Thought For Christmas (Three Wise Women)
16 Funnies What Not To Say To A Police Officer How To Impress A ... In case you thought you knew everything The New York Mets announced today ... Notice Of Revocation Of Independence The Ultimate Essex Girl Joke List Western Humor A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding ... For Frequent Fliers Elephant Jokes! Employee Evaluation Fascinating Facts A New Rule of Golf Happy New Year Idiots You Know You're From Michigan If ... Pardon Me ... Rules Of The Air Then And Now Who To Marry Error Messages in Haiku Mink coat Long Sentence Ten Puns
   Home Economics
Do You Know Who I Am? Tough Exam (with Answers) Tech Support Hello-Copper Mistress Great Signs Fall For It Barney Genuine Translations Courses For Women Who Drinks The Water ... Ole And Sven Dr. Seuss' Tongue Twister Performance Appraisals Killer Biscuit CEMeNT Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives A 110-year-old man is having his annual checkup Bush Bill Getting Into Heaven Test For Assassins Consultants More Darwin Awards Uses For Coke Waiting ... Tragedy Warnings Intelligence Test Welfare Count The F's ATM Quiche Instructions From The Dali Lama The Perfect Husband How To Identify Where Drivers Are From The Good Old Days Super Hero Wanted Too Many Beers Label Instructions Colin Powell's Apology La Plume de Ma Tarte Math Funnies
The Nonabelian Names of God
   Madcow Disease Test
One Day In the Life of the Granby Bear
If you've ever felt computer illiterate
and just a little embarrassed
about your technical skills ... Check out the following, excerpted from the Wall Street Journal
To Infinity and Beyond ...
Words from our Fearless Leader
G W Bush Quotes
Five surgeons are discussing who
makes the best patients to operate on.
  Five Surgeons
Wants versus Needs

  Wants versus Needs
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather
who died peacefully in his sleep.

  Various Quotes From Famous People
How Hot Is It In Hell?

  Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?
Only In America do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries and a diet coke.

  Only In America
A police officer pulls a guy
over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?

  Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Secrets of a Long Marriage

  A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?   Why ...
The Oil Shortage - Explained

  Nobody bothered to check the oil
Oxymorons

  Act naturally
Quattro

  Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border
Virus Alert

  You have just received the Amish Computer Virus

Arthur Davidson
of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation
died and went to heaven

  Design Flaws

Proof That Girls Are Evil
&
The Tech Boom Gravy Train

Girls 'n' Gravy

One day in the future, George Bush has
a heart attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell,
where the devil is waiting for him.
  George In Hell

How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
One, if it knows its own G�del number
  And 100 other ones

Be Nice To Nerds

The 11 rules below are rumored to be coming from Bill Gates who supposedly dished them out at a recent high school speech. I think this is very likely 'urban legend' but the item is fun and has a lot to it so I'm including it as a bonus item this issue. [grin]
The comment that went with the rules was as follows. "He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world. To give them a taste of what it's really like out there, he allegedly came up with these rules.

RULE 1 Life is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2 The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3 You will NOT make 50 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4 If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5 Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.

RULE 6 If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7 Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8 Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9 Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10 Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11 Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ;-)

The Twelve Days Of Christmas in very cryptic C) This next one is downright offensive to most people,
so don't click the link if you avoid such things Why stick people don't live very long He Said ... She Said ...   Yankees Fan   Ways Scientists Are Better Than Lawyers I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an ADULT. Beer Trouble Shooting Chart If Men Got Pregnant Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter,the princess.

Sunday, January 28, 2007